Crossing Emotional Lines

It's been a long time since I've actually been emotional enough to cry for a whole weekend. But I'm telling you this last week messed with my heart. Now, don't get me wrong, I've loved and cared for all the girls I've had each week - but there was something about Rock Island Elementary that just broke me down.

I think the best way to share with you what I mean is by telling you J's story.

Back up to the summer of 2013: it was J's first year at camp. She was shy - really shy - and totally introverted. If she was addressed in public or in private she would stare blankly ahead and pretend as though she didn't hear the question.

And that's exactly how it was on Monday. J was quiet, and didn't really get involved with the girls, she played her role but no more.

Tuesday I caught her laughing at some jokes I was telling the girls - it put a small smile on my face to see her engaging.

Wednesday she was answering my questions of "How are you?" and "What's been the best part of camp?"

Thursday she ran to the front of the pack and held my hand. She looked up at me and said, "Is today we going fishing?" I smiled as I told her "Yes ma'am" and her face lit up.

That night was the big sleep over when we gather all the girls in to the Big Room of the lodge, flick on some movies, and pull out the blankets and pillows. She didn't have any body next to her, and waved me over. We shared my body pillow as she hadn't brought a pillow of her own. And just before the movie turned on, she leaned over to me and whispered "I don't want to go home tomorrow - I want to stay here."

Friday morning came, and I had already put J on the bus, but as I passed by a second time she was off it - trying to sneak away.

"J, honey, you have to get back on the bus. It's time to go home."

She reached out for me and wrapped me up in her little arms saying, "I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you. I miss you already."

I hugged her back, and walked her onto the bus. But before we made it two feet, she began crying. Her tears pushed me over the emotional line I had unknowingly drawn early this summer, and I began crying. The girls on the bus met me with more tears and "I'll miss you's" and my heart simply broke.

A week wasn't long enough for me to give them all the love I wanted to, but a week was all I had. And a week was all it took for J's heart to feel safe and secure and open enough to reach out and hug me first.

Keep my girls in your prayers; they will always be heavy on my heart.